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Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Because drama makes me cringe (It also gives me hives)

“Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue.” ~Hermione Gingold

I heart Sarah Brown. So when she requested material for the pilot of Cringe, hell, whenever she requests anything for Cringe, I whimper. For I have nothing Cringe worthy. I really, really don’t. One, most of my material has long been missing, Two, nothing makes me cringe about it, it just makes me laugh my ass off, but if that counts then so be it. Because the wonderful part about getting older is that everything that was once so dire and serious becomes so trite and ridiculous.

It’s not like I’ve been full of wisdom for years – more like full of bullshit – but I somehow missed that whole acting stupid and drama filled over a boy, crap. That’s what all the super cringey stuff from youth comes from. Well I skipped over it. I listened to Green Day, sported flannel and wide leg Jnco jeans, but never liked or really dated for that matter until college. Not to mention that that whole ‘pulling of hair of the boy you like, chasing him around the playground’ crap, was few and far between as well. But I’d be remiss not to mention the stolen kisses I gave to Matt A. in the 3rd grade during spelling. Oh and Jason, who I totally thought I would marry, and his braces.

I suppose I just never could endure or allow myself to go through all the stupid drama filled crap that goes with lusting after someone. I’ve always found girls who get all ‘woe is me’ because Johnny thinks they to be dreadfully melodramatic, to be terribly pathetic. That’s not to say that I’m not pathetic, because I can be, just rarely over the male subject.

Despite my ever cool past, it all has slowly caught up to me since the summer of 2001. During which I began a string of infatuations with the opposite sex that all make me die a little inside when I even remotely think about them. Apparently I have more drama in me than one would imagine. Apparently I can barely hold my own before flinching back because “OH MY GOD! A penis! Must. Act. Like. An. Idiot.” And so on and so forth and it’s sad and I now probably owe several males flowers and chocolates and football tickets. There should also be some groveling because of the inevitable drama that ensues.

It’s overwhelming how drama filled females can be. I speak not only from personal experience with my own melodramatic Oscar caliber performances, but because lately I’ve been bogged down with it. Though it’s mostly vicarious, it’s still annoying and mind numbingly ridiculous. I’m sick of it. Not only when it comes to males but when it comes to everything. It’s like we, as females, can never let anything go and have to be obsessed with things and our elephant-like memories get the best of us. There are moments when I rethink what I’ve done or said and I roll my eyes and question who said that? And what meds is this girl on? Something strong I would suppose.

Realizing this and admitting it doesn’t mean that things will necessarily change, given that so many of us females are wired to behave just so. But it makes me so much more aware of why there are times that men are terrified. Hell, I am terrified, when approached by someone far more meaner and vindictive than I. I just feel that there are times when I need to be scolded and told to “get off the drama bus at the next stop and take a cab to laidbackville” (Yes a real life actual male said this to me).

It makes me want to do a quick PSA for those holding an XY chromosome and say that yes, women can be crazy and stupid and ridiculous. Also, be particularly cautious of the girls with the clear heels, ‘cause they have some serious cooties.


Blogger GirlGoyle said...

oh and can i just please add that I have noticed that the older a woman gets the "scary" factor grows exponentially in proportion to the time she has spent in singledom. Single women over 40...scary!

12:18 PM  
Anonymous chirky said...

Oh, Honey. I'm feeling you. I look back on myself, my insecurities, my catty remarks, almost EVERYTHING about me and I'm all: GEEZ. WHO IS THAT GIRL?

12:31 PM  
Blogger Jiffy said...

You have no idea how relevant that post is to me right now. This is my new favorite quote (I hope you don't mind if I steal it!):

I just feel that there are times when I need to be scolded and told to “get off the drama bus at the next stop and take a cab to laidbackville”.

2:18 PM  
Blogger Alyndabear said...

I need some serious guy friends, because working with an all all-female teaching staff is sending me slowly crazy..

2:39 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

girlgoyle: yay! more to look forward to. tell me more!

chirky: that's me pretty much daily. Ugh. And lord, the tears. Oh boy.

jiffy: feel free to do so. I'm sure that he who said it will be more than stoked that he's being quoted somewhere out there.

alyndabear: I have the male friends and had the male roommate. So, much more laidback. It's crazy.

3:05 PM  
Anonymous Abigail said...

I HATE being accused of over-thinking things. Even if I am. Because people always discount the things I'm thinking about because I think about them so much.

The most manipulative guy I knew figured that out and used it against me and he was all, "I totally hear what you're saying even though you're obsessing about it." Bastard-liar.


4:51 PM  
Anonymous Teacher Jane said...

There are moments when I rethink what I’ve done or said and I roll my eyes and question who said that? And what meds is this girl on? Something strong I would suppose.

Dude. Just, duuuuude. While beginning college in '02, I went through a period like that. I refer to them as my dark years. People who knew me back then -- and who, smartly, RAN FOR THEIR FREAKING LIVES -- sometimes run into me now and tend to give me quizzical looks, as if to say, "Yo, where's the depressed, drama queen bitch?"

I wonder if the Me in five years will look back on the Me from now and roll her eyes at what I consider to be a fairly laidback and drama-free life.

5:33 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

If I see the drama bus coming, I usually hide and come back the next day. It's usually much better the next day, or even in a few hours.

I also sometimes try to imagine my guy friends acting like this. It's quite humorous to think about. Heh heh. And I'm smiling now.

6:45 PM  
Anonymous kerrianne said...

I find self-perception versus others' perceptions of us fascinating (and sometimes a bit scary, too). I consider myself to be mostly non-drama, but I remember having a conversation where a friend of mine said she loved hearing my "stories," because they were always more dramatic than hers. I was all, "Wha?" And then: "Oh. Wow. Not what I was going for." But try as we might, I've come to realize that a certain amount of drama is probably just inevitable. You know, until someone discovers a cure for it. ;)

9:21 PM  
Blogger Dagny said...

After school today I was speaking with a parent along with another teacher. The parent was overwhelmed at the cattiness of the girls this year. We told her, "It's the age." Every look, every small word is worthy of major drama. And it's just going to get worse as they age. *sigh*

And I am hoping that I do not end up falling into girlgoyle's category. Since I'm 40 and all.

11:22 PM  
Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

A few weekends ago I was surrounded by some drama that involved underage girls crashing a friends party, men old enough to know better, tears and vomit. I couldn't be arsed to find out the finer details and I felt a bit more grown up for it. It's a nice feeling to realize you actually are maturing (despite popular opinion;))

5:39 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

abigail: It's alright, girl. Let it out. That crap makes me rage too, and it happens waaaay too often.

teacher jane: I wonder the same thing too. But I've asked the men in my life how they feel about me now and they are more than willing to tell me how dramatic I can be, but of course preface it with "No offense". Gah, Men!

sir bone: You're totally correct, the drama ebbs and flows. I'm usually over things within the hour and then groveling my way towards forgiveness. Except lately that's been happening all too much, but I'm learning.

kerrianne: Drama is inevitable, but how much is too much. I think I've gotten to that point, where I'm thinking Ok, enough of this crap. Sadly, I have to tell any of those laden with drama that I'm sick of it. I'm wondering if I should or if they will figure it out themselves.

dagny: Oh, to be young(er) again... I remember those days, everything was made into some huge deal and I thought that as we aged and matured, things would get better. Alas not.

lux lisbon: I hope I end up maturing at some point. Or maybe realizing how dramatic I can be is that first step. Who knows.

9:20 AM  
Blogger Heather Anne said...

I am full off bullshit instead of wisdom too. After living this way for 27 years, I am starting to think it's the only way to go.

Also, this post sounded wise, so maybe you have more of that than you give yourself credit for. (But don’t give up on the bullshit.)

10:35 AM  
Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

Women and drama? Who would have thunk it ;-)

11:18 AM  
Blogger ocg said...

Did you write this about me? :)

I still cringe over the stupid things that I occasionally allow to roll out of my mouth. I mean really cringe... live and learn...

I shall swear I will not create anymore drama in my or their lives...

until the next time I do


3:33 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

heather anne: why thank you, my dear. I just figure the less drama the better, but there's always room for some bullshit.

lisab: I know! Shocking right?!

ocg: Ha! No. More about all the crap I pull or have been pulling as of recently. But the cringing, let's just say that hindsight is always 20/20.

9:49 AM  

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