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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Exhibiting social graces

“Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble.” ~Samuel Johnson

A few weeks ago, I received an email from a coworker who had recently started asking whether or not I was the Heather who wrote this blog called No Pasa Nada, because she had been reading it for about a year and it cracked her up. After I picked myself off the floor and stopped hyperventilating, I replied that yes that was me and that we would never speak of this again, and umm please love me? Even though for roughly 40 hours a week, I’m really not funny and actually at my most socially awkward, pleeaaaaase love me? K?

And ever since that moment, every time I see this person, I die a little inside trying to be funny and graceful and totally not making awkward jokes in the elevator that aren’t even funny. And then I smile and want to punch myself in the face with all the social awkwardness. In fact I’m pretty sure that I had a conversation that went something like “My this soda is so fizzy. Why is it so fizzy? Heh, ha, ha”. And now you want to punch me in the face as well, non?

It’s my personal resolution to myself to get a fucking grip and not be Socially Awkward Barbie™. To add further insult to injury (though writing this will hopefully alleviate the situation) I’ve totally become That girl, you know, THAT girl. Her. That girl who acts like a girl and cannot make it stop besides years of therapy and four years of university and vast knowledge of John Locke and Erasmus, I am still that girl. That girl who – gasp – can’t get a fucking grip and starts doing things and acting like a fucking psychotic idiot with a little irrational behavior on the side.

I’m driving to upstate in a few hours, where I will exhibit the aforementioned traits and more! I’m a tool. But please be my friend. Please? And send wine and fries. And if there is one thing to be thankful for, it’s that you aren’t me.

Edit to Add: Here’s a little view behind the curtain; I wrote this yesterday and was thinking about it this morning in the shower (feel free to stop and think about that then shudder). Then realized that this weekend I attended a friend’s birthday party and was totally not socially awkward, but instead nice and polite and normal and I HUGGED and laughed and consumed five (weak ass) vodka tonics. So maybe I’m not that bad and doomed to a life alone.

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15 Comments:

Blogger Bone said...

LOL I love the fizzy soda conversation. You should have your own TV show.

Have a good, safe trip.

11:53 AM  
Blogger Barzelay said...

The older I get, the more I realize that there is no cohesive monolith that is one's personality. We are complex, and we act differently in every context. We shouldn't expect to be the same person face-to-face as we are in our satirical writings, nor should that be same as we are in our deeply personal writings. No one would expect us to come across as witty and sarcastic if we were turning in a paper for class, or being interviewed for a job. So when we do manage to sneak some humor into other situations, we should be happy for it, but we shouldn't push it.

It isn't some sort of dysfunction not to be the same in real life as in one's writing. Real life presents a different set of challenges, and one meets them with a different set of skills. That said, I have often felt the same pressure to live up to what I think someone expects of me from my writing. And yeah, it makes things awkward at first, until one realizes that the other person isn't the same in the new context either. They are different when they are readers from when the are conversationalists. As long as one can find a comfortable role in the new context, then all is well.

2:06 PM  
Blogger wunelle said...

Punch first. Be proactive.

5:23 PM  
Anonymous jes said...

GAH, how I wish I could have you at my family gatherings. You'd be so much fun! Want to come down for Christmas?

Also, wine and fries? Fries? Um, NO.

6:32 PM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

Socially Awkward Barbie™ - that's funny stuff.

If I were your co-worker, I would be overwhelmed with happiness and relief to find someone like you in my midst.

9:37 PM  
Blogger GirlGoyle said...

Or maybe Vodka is your potion #9 and wine just isn't doing the trick. For what it's worth...I find you funny. Then again, we were 'matched up' by Neil at Citizen of the Month and he's never wrong!

6:29 AM  
Anonymous jonniker said...

I agree with Suebob. Dude, I would be SO EXCITED if I found out you were my coworker!

7:26 AM  
Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

What a great compliment! Maybe there is hope for you after all.

I've been known to obsess about a blog post after the fact. It's not pretty.

9:16 AM  
Blogger Heather Anne said...

Fizzy soda, one of the great mysteries od the world. I am your friend! :)

10:53 AM  
Anonymous dink(y) said...

Socially Awkward Barbie!!!! I would SO BUY THAT!!!!

Please oh please send that in for a patent!

11:52 AM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

Funny, I've never thought of you as socially awkward. But maybe that's because we are both double-fisting chocolate martinis when we're being social ;-)

1:04 PM  
Anonymous Angela said...

God, it's so weird when you get outted as a blogger in real life. I like boundaries, thank you very much, here I am as a blogger and here I am as a real person, and never the twain shall meet!

2:33 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

Stopped by randomly via NaBloPoMo. I'm older but no wiser. I was outed today and we were both weird about it. I guess age doesn't matter.

11:13 PM  
Blogger treespotter said...

it is funny to meet people that recognized you (and been reading for a while). funny weird.

i've got that as well, i prefer never to talk about it ever after.

10:59 PM  
Anonymous Abigail said...

Socially Awkward Barbie, did you die?

2:32 PM  

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