I always think that I’m onto something brand spanking new when I divulge another (innocuous, or not) tidbit about myself. Like the other day I told Pal that I could be obsessive, as if no one would ever guess that I, of all people, obsess about things endlessly. To which he replied that it was cute that I thought that it was a secret. Have I mentioned the internet searches that go into every little thing that I do? No? Well, there’s internet searches and web MD, because I’m like 99% sure that I have ADD or something.
So, for days, nay weeks, I’ve been saying “Oh yeah, I’m fine” to everything. How’s the weather, HB? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. It’s like my Pavlovian reaction to any question even if it has nothing to do with me, I’ll say “I’m fine”. From now on, please call me Narcissus, please and thank you. Everyday, Swiss Kris will ask me how I am and I immediately pop up with an ‘I’m fine’ and a smile. I’m not sure where I read it, for it was fairly recent, but the author questioned what ‘we’ did before emoticons and well, I pray at the alter of emoticons. So I figure that an AIM smiley, totally conveys that I’m so utterly fine and there are butterflies and rainbows and puppies. The end.
But alas not, because Kris called it my bullshit modus operandi. Damn it, I thought I had that hidden, dude she found me out. No one would know that I’m not feeling completely up to par and because I talk to 87% of people via some sort of Instant Messenger service, I figured that no one would be none the wiser if I threw in a little smile. Or a wink face. Yes, a wink face! Nothing says, La dee da, like a wink face, but sometimes I throw in a kiss face for good measure. And maybe we should be concerned that 87% of my conversations occur via IM. We’ll discuss that later.
Where was I? Oh yes, I’m fine. I am fine. Though if one more person comes up to me and says “Well you must have had the best week ever!!!” I might punch them in the jugular. Not stab, because yes, the wink was fucking awesome, how kind of you to notice, so I wouldn’t want anyone dead, but a little injury, because yes, it was superb. Yes, I drank more Moet than I have in years and I smiled. Am I really fine though? Eh, given that only one person knows what is making me so un-fine, then I’m OK, because not everyone and their brother knows how dumb I’ve been. Though I must admit, I’ve been on cruise control through this haze and everyday is weird and I’m a little more quiet and thoughtful and I may have let the tears well up a bit when I thought I left my ID at home Friday night and had to drive all the way back home (1.3 miles thankyouverymuch) to get it and I haven’t been to the gym and my ‘fine-nesss’ ruined what was supposed to be the Best Week Evah.
But yeah, I’m fine. Totally fine. And maybe if I keep saying it, then it will be true.
*I wrote this entire post with a defective ‘K’ key. So every time I wrote like, it came out ‘lie’. And then I’d have to smash the key down (like now) in order to get it to function properly. This is all very aggravating, but I’m still fine.