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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Hurt

“I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.” ~Jack Handey

It’s not like there is a worse feeling than this, but my god, this feeling right now, fucking hurts. Though I should be happy and frolicking around town, my throat has a huge lump in it and I can’t help but sit here and fight off the tears. It’s like being told your worthless and not good enough, without being told such out loud. It’s implied. It’s tacit and without the explicit words I can feel it. I’ve seen people rub their temples or rub the bridge of their nose when overwhelmed and that’s just a coping mechanism: A nervous reaction to this overwhelming sense of stress, sadness and fear. And now all I am left to think is that I’ve gone from being semi-intelligent to purely idiotic. I feel stupid and that trumps all. In a few weeks or months I’ll look back on this and laugh. I’ll have forgotten all about it, but for now, I just hope I don’t cry and will list all of the bed. I’ll dwell and possibly cry even though I know that this doesn’t deserve the tears. Thankfully I'll also reason and rationalize that despite feeling hurt, I'll be damned if I become a cliche.

9 Comments:

Anonymous jonniker said...

Oh no! Oh no! I wish I could hug you. What happened? I'm so sorry.
xoxo

11:42 PM  
Blogger Lizzie said...

Ooh, I'm really really sorry. Hang tight. It sucks but you'll get through it. Call or email or vent to me tomorrow night (if you still want to meet up) if you need to unload. In the meantime, be good to yourself. (And yes, red wine counts as being good to yourself.)

1:13 AM  
Anonymous Abigail said...

Don't cry, Shopgirl.

3:22 AM  
Anonymous kerrianne said...

If it makes you feel any better, you made me snort coffee (why am I still awake right now? coffee! is why, probably) with the Jack Handy quote. I miss that part of SNL.

I do hope you feel less tear-welling tomorrow. Or today, as it were. :)

5:57 AM  
Anonymous MappyB said...

i hope you're feeling a little better this morning...

7:18 AM  
Blogger Heather Anne said...

Jack Handey on revenge:

"A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call up the guy and hold the burning fuse to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

I'm just sayin'.

10:25 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

I'm fine. Yesterday was just one of those days and leave it to me to wake up all puffy. AWESOME!

Uhh, yeah. Fiiiine and dandy and tonight will be some serious uhh, therapy (Read: Sometimes vodka and nicotine make things better), with one of my favorite people.

11:01 AM  
Blogger sweetney said...

sorry about all this, man. you are a kick-ass lady and everyone knows it. you need me to beat up someone for you? just say the word, and i'll swoop down to DC with my fists-o-fury!

1:07 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

drink your cares away at Mackey's tomorrow. I will be!

9:16 PM  

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