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Saturday, November 04, 2006

It's a shame that it's come to this: Part 1

“We're smart, we're witty, and we've got asses that rock!” – Mary Cherry

Dear Netflix,

I think things have gotten a little out of hand recently. I mean at first you were a fantastic idea. Do you remember our first weekend together? It was love at first sight the way you dropped American Psycho right on my lap and well, it was because of you that I discovered my deep love for Lloyd Dobbler. Since then, we’ve become close, almost too close some might say. There are weekends when I will not leave my house until 6 PM (and even that’s a stretch) because I just got new movies and I can’t possibly leave three unopened discs of Entourage, in all it’s Ari Gold goodness, just to sit there. But now I there are something like 500 movies in my queue and I’m unable to add anything new, which is infuriating, because I’ll forget that I wanted to add An Affair to Remember and this drives me mad.

The real reason for why I’m writing is because of recent difficulties I’ve been having with the first season of Popular. I loved this show and I talk about it to this day. And because my love of the deliciously evil Nicole Julian trumps my love for you, I’m about 2.8 seconds away from flipping the hell out. Because OH. MY. GOD. Who do I have to sleep with to get a DVD that works properly and doesn’t turn the screen all green and scary and make Leslie Bibb, look like she has 14 faces and a blue streak running through her chest? Huh?

I don’t want to break up with you. I really, really don’t. But we can’t have this. I fear that it might happen – a sudden freeze – during a crucial moment. I mean, there was the Tyler Durden incident, during which I had to throw something at the television and almost started crying. And we really shouldn’t have to repeat that, now should we?

I’m not in the business of entering abusive relationships and this relationship is on a slippery slope to doom. I fully expect for my DVDs to arrive unharmed later today or else prepare for anger of apocalyptic proportions. Ok, cupcake?



Anonymous Neil said...

This is what I like to see. Using the power of your blog for consumer action!

How do you watch all those movies AND blog?

1:02 PM  
Anonymous Abigail said...

Netflix needs a really good competitor. They're getting too relaxed.

Hmm, maybe I should start a flix biz. You in?

4:08 PM  
Anonymous dink(y) said...

I thought I was the only person on the planet who was upset when Popular went off the air!

::starts singing "It's a Small World"::

4:42 PM  
Anonymous alyndabear said...

So what is NetFlix? I'm curious..

Perhaps it's because I'm Australian OR perhaps it's because I have my head stuck in the sand?

5:12 PM  
Anonymous chirky said...

Uh, isn't Netflix's competitor Blockbuster?

(Note to alyndabear: NetFlix is an online video rental service that mails DVDs to customers as each movie is requested. Sort of. That's the easiest explanation.)

Heather B., have you considered that maybe the problem is with your TV or DVD player, and not the DVD?

Just trying to explore all possibilities.

11:26 PM  
Anonymous alyndabear said...

Ooh, that sounds nifty.

I love that you can hire videos online.. we don't have that here.

I just spend too much money BUYING them @ xD

Thanks though!

2:26 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

Make Netflix sleep on the couch for a week, that'll teach him.

1:21 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

All I have to say is foot/mouth (not disease, people)

Apparently it's my dvd player. Which makes me so very sad. My DVDs are working fine in my portable dvd player, but not in vcr/dvd combo (and shut it! I shall never rid of the VHS). So yeah, it's not netflix and we're still madly in love and the wedding is next week.

But wait until Part 2 of this series: Where I make Verizon pay, yo.

2:06 PM  
Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

I love your rants.

And great minds, cookie ;-)

2:46 PM  
Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

I want to marry Lloyd Dobbler.

6:26 AM  

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