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Sunday, November 05, 2006

It's a shame that it's come to this: Part 2

“Suddenly the basic survival needs also include a cell phone, cable TV, and French manicured fingernails....” Charlie Diekatze


I have to take deep breaths before writing this because I’ve been patient with you for years. I’ve tried to be understanding and relax, which says a lot given my propensity to fly off the handle and relinquish any sort of relationship, fairly easily. I’ve been able to look past ridiculously high bills for no apparent reason, the fact that you have dropped calls in Banana Republic, but in the Metro, you’re game. While that’s commendable, in the event of some sort of serious metro emergency, it’s totally unacceptable when I have an actual important question to ask my mother, like whether or not to get black pants or Heather grey pants, and I cannot, because I don’t have any service. All of which is strange, because I’m pretty sure that there should be a whole slew of people lead by a nerdy, skinny white man, helping me out 24/7, and yet I do not feel the love. Where is my skinny, nerdy, white man? Huh? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

(deep breaths)

As you see, I was ok with that and understood and things were fine and generally I like to remain drama free with you, but there is one thing that pushes me over the edge and frankly makes me want to kick some nerdy, skinny, XY chromosome ass. And that, my dear wireless company, is when I try to figure out how one of your people, “accidentally” put someone else’s phone on my account, thus removing my free upgrade as well as seriously fucking up my service for 4 days. How is that possible? And what did you think was going to happen when you had the same phone number for two different people? Yeah, you idiots fixed it and yeah I still have my upgrade, but I was without service for four days! A fuck up, which required two trips to your damn store, where I was met with a trainee, named Jeronimo, who couldn’t understand why I would be so irate that a Nokia magically showed up on my account.

But I did keep my cool during my transaction and while I was thisclose to placing my foot up someone’s nose, I was able to not yell or threaten violence. But believe you me, I’m pissed. And I’m switching to T-Mobile, if you don’t shape up.

You never stop working for me, my ass,



Blogger Miss Scarlet said...

I had a HORRIBLE Verizon experience a few months ago that ended up costing me a lot of money. And what pisses me off is that I then went to a few different stores to ask about that particular feature and was told a different thing every time. I still get angry when I think about it.

9:07 PM  
Anonymous jonniker said...

Jeronimo? Seriously?

And also, "Where is my skinny, nerdy white man?" slayed me.

And finally: I have T-Mobile. Love. Just sayin'.

9:47 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Miss Scarlet: I'll probably be bringing this up for the next several weeks. It's OK, let it out.

Jonniker: Her name was Jeronimo. For real. And what is up with the skinny, nerdy, white man, damn it?!

10:48 PM  
Blogger Heather Anne said...

I have the exact same customer service nightmares as you. I hate Netflix. I hate Verizon. But you know what? I'm their bitch. They OWN me.

Help me break free.

10:46 AM  
Blogger Bone said...

"You never stop working for me, my ass"

You have me laughing out loud this morning, Miss Heather. You are hilarious.

And the only skinny, nerdy, white man you need is Weird Al :)

12:53 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Heather Anne: Oh dear, I feel the same way. I'm totally their bitch and they'll have me in their evil coroporate grasp, for all of eternity. Damn the man! (Save Empire!) (See that? Totally Netflix bitch and now I'll have to get Empire Records)

Sir Bone: Glad I could crack you up on this fine Monday.

1:39 PM  
Anonymous alyndabear said...

Oh man, do I HATE cell phone companies. They always find a way to fuck things up.

I'm glad I'm pre-paid now!

2:42 PM  
Anonymous Gooseberried said...

You make me laugh.

5:39 PM  
Anonymous Jurgen Nation said...

NO FECKING WAY. What idiots. And I thought Cingular was bad.

8:06 PM  
Blogger Dagny said...

And I thought that Verizon would be better than that. Cingular kind of sucks as well but I kind of speak their language so we get things resolved quickly. I used to work for a company that is now part of Cingular. I don't deal with the folks in the store, only over the phone. Of course, that is dependent on having a working phone. They may have pushed me to the point of violence on that one. Which might be why I try not to deal with them in person. Less temptation.

Also, sorry to hear that Netflix has let you down recently. I may have to drop "Popular" off my rental list. (Why did they cancel that show?) I am happy to say that my list is now under 500 and I can now add more movies to it. Just took a couple of months to do it though.

8:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fussy says I have to comment on some blogs this month. Fortunately, the Randomizer brought me here to your funny blog. I'll be back!

10:38 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Alyndabear: Are cell companies in Australia, this fucked up? Or is this purely an American thing?

Gooseberried: Ahh good. At least someone is laughing even though I'm crying inside. I hate verizon.

Jurgen Nation: Dude, I'm going with T-Mobile and you can be in my 'Five'.

Dagny: Well you should definitely still add Popular, as it wasn't the DVD but instead my effed up DVD player. I don't know why it was taken off the air, but it still upsets me. That show was brilliant.

Greentshirt: M. Kennedy is brilliant, nuff said. I need to test out the randomizer one of these days.

10:45 PM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Verizon did the same thing to my boss, when he got a blackberry. THey gave him a number that was already in use, and then we go the other person's calls for a week, and that poor guy had no phone. WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?

But I have them for my personal cell, and I sort of love them. Of course, after my nightmares with Tmobile and Cingular, I would love a rock as long as it didn't charge me $200 a month for calls I didn't make.

12:35 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

I'm a Verizon girl who feels your pain. Verizon has my money, but it's Cingular's "raising the bar" slogan that had me at hello.

2:50 PM  

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