Le chat noir
*This post brought to you by the letter ‘O’ for ‘Oh my hell I need some wine and perhaps a lobotomy’
“There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.” ~Andre Gide
My neighbor has a black outdoor cat. Thusly, every evening it crosses my path on my way home from work and I inadvertently am taken aback. It’s my ever present superstition that makes me do it. That fears that if a black cat crosses my path, then inevitably something bad will happen. And though I try to talk myself out of it, I cannot feel anything but that.
One night it followed me to my car and last night it stared at me while I sat outside. I couldn’t help but think of the bad luck that might come off of it: Like its glare would lead to years of bad luck and that all of the things that I wanted would be thrown to the wayside due to interaction with a black cat.
Though I doubt anything bad that occurs today or better yet, as of late, is permanent. Much of it is self – inflicted bad things and fear of being jinxed, I know that it most likely will not last forever. But there’s that inexorable nagging and the fact that at this very moment in time, it is all so very important to me. All of the things that I want that I fret over, are all very important even though in the grand scheme of things, they are not. Nevertheless and much to my chagrin, there will always be something stopping me not necessarily a black cat or some other superstition, but something – anything – that will cause me to think that I won’t get something. And that fear – a fear of something that I’ve miraculously conjured up based on no concrete evidence – is the worst feeling of all.