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Wednesday, November 15, 2006


“Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.” ~Voltaire

I went through a white wine phase during which I consumed copious amounts of Pinot Grigio on the daily coupled with grilled cheese or a hearty meal from Steak N’ Egg. When I learned that a glass of red wine is good for the heart, I started in on the Yellowtail Shiraz and haven’t looked back since. I have a Wine for Dummies book and keep lists of the Argentinean Malbecs and the South African Syrah, but you are sorely mistaken for thinking that I should give up my day job to pursue life as a Sommelier. All of this means that I drink red wine with everything, including Yellowfin Tuna which totally deserves a white, and I know better and look classy (sorry ‘Klassy’) when ordering Cabernet Sauvignon with my very light fish. And well, it pretty much goes down hill from there. Hell, I think that a fillet of fish from the good ol’ golden arches is a treat and will gladly talk about how well the flavor of the cheese plays off the tang of the tartar sauce. You’re drooling, I’m sure.

Last week, I went to Olives for the first time. The second I put my fork into the Falling Chocolate Cake and the fudge oozed out into a pool quite near to the raspberry coulie as the vanilla ice cream melted on top and it was all a swirl of chocolatey goodness and I died; well I wanted to write about going to Olives. But then I had the sad, sad realization that writing “The chocolate was everywhere and despite the mix of red wine and the olive and goat cheese pasta, I totally didn’t puke on the table” wasn’t exactly a quality food review. In fact, I’m probably the lamest foodie ever, what with the red wine with fish combo and all, and thus decided that Jason is far better at it than I’ll ever be; for this is a man, who beyond all of his other awesomeness, has a favorite gnocchi and knows about the different ‘notes’ in wine, whereas I only know that the gnocchi from Trader Joe’s* tastes like pure ass and that last night the two buck Chuck, gave me a tummy ache. And that my friends, is about as good as it gets. Henceforth, my dreams of writing about the deliciousness and the way the Butternut Squash Tortelli melted in my mouth (despite the tad undercooked dough), were dashed towards the wind. Though seriously people, the secret is that there are finely ground amaretto cookies mixed into the squash that gives it that melty sweet I-will-die-right-now taste.

A smart woman would stop there with full knowledge that she will never compare and Food and Wine will not be calling anytime soon and well Top Chef? Out of the picture. In my next life though, I’ll be Oprah and someone else can make and execute the perfect meal with the perfectly paired wine and know what goes with what. While I sit on my ass and relish in the glory that is a perfect four course meal that involves expert pasta making, some sort of cheesecake, and anything that involves gruyere.

*Umm yeah, food blogging? Not so much
**Oh wait, later this week a special on what HB should make for Thanksgiving that doesn't involve, shirataki noodles, edamame, guacamole and veggie burgers.



Blogger Marci (aka Baby Banana) said...

OOOoh I love Olive's. Yummy.

Also, I love wine. A lot. I've drank more than two bottles this week already.

7:34 PM  
Anonymous Gooseberried said...

I just had some Pinot Grigio last night and thought it was muy delicioso!
I also love wine, but the experience has been sort of ruined for me ever since I got so drunk off of it that my friend and I decided it would be completely normal to dress like John Lennon and Paul McCartney and sing into the wee hours of the morning. I don't remember anything. The pictures revealed all.

11:43 PM  
Anonymous kerrianne said...

Um. I'm hungry.

; )

11:56 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

Yes! The gnocchi at TJ's does taste like ass! Especially the basil gnocchi. (shudder)

9:51 AM  
Anonymous bloggadocio said...

the wine columnists at the Wall Street Journal are also very good. And don't worry about the pairing - i do it too, except i'll do a white w/ my skirt steaks. EGAD!

10:08 AM  
Anonymous guinness girl said...

Ha! I love this!

Incidentally, I read somewhere that we should drink what we like, not what we've heard goes well with the food. Consequently, I drink red with everything. Unless it is hot outside, and then I drink white. Mmmm. 10:33 a.m....too early for wine?

10:45 AM  
Blogger Heather Anne said...

Mmm... I love the Filet-O-Fish.

Good call.

10:48 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Marci: I am a huge fan of Olives now. They also have just put in a new bar, so I'm willing to test that out (ahem). Also, I had no idea that you like wine. So shocked. ;-)

Gooseberried: For some reason, I've developed an aversion to Pinot Grigio and had been averse to most white wines until fairly recently. But I do enjoy a Riesling every now and then. Thankfully there have been no experiences to ruin wine for me, at least not yet.

Kerrianne: Yeah, me too. This post is making my lunch look laaaaaame.

Liz: I was all excited and had been craving it after a trip to Sonoma. Then I bought the stuff from TJ's and now everytime I walk past it in the store, I feel wretched. That shit tasted like ass. The end. Apparently Palena (I think or you can check DC Foodies) has really good gnocchi.

Bloggadocio: Yes! They're great. I got hooked a while back when I had a free subscription to it. I wish I could do that for a living. But apparently I'm pretty awful with the pairings, but it would be nice to be a Sommelier for a day. Le sigh.

10:49 AM  
Anonymous diseuse said...

You should totally keep food blogging. I sometimes feel awkward pairing wines with conventionally inappropriate meats, but I think in this day when there are so many options available, those standards just fly out the window.

10:55 AM  
Anonymous Heather b said...

don't wear footless tights. Please. As heather b (who doesn't cuddle) I AM BEGGING YOU!

do not bring the heathers down, man.

11:04 AM  
Blogger changapeluda said...

This blog tasted good w/my too sweet cafecito.

I wonder if I shoulda paired it with a red, better.


1:04 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

GG: I've heard that and believe it as well. I just hate the looks that I get from my server, when I'm ordering a glass of Shiraz with my seafood medly. In the middle of July. But yeah, I like the red all the time, even in the summer.

Heather Anne: Filet-o-fish is the most underrated food I can think of. Soooo good.

Diseuse: I think I might keep doing it, but only for those truly superb meals. Those meals that kill me with the goodness. So I guess I'll be blogging from the afterlife as well.

Heather B: I dunno, man. Amy and I have had many discussions on the appropriate use of the tights. And from what I understand as long as I use them within the proper guidelines, it should be no harm.

Changapeluda: Hmm I feel like a standard red might would produce a sour combo. So maybe a port wine or dessert wine? ;)

1:31 PM  
Anonymous jes said...

You had me at hello. Or, I mean: You had me at chocolate. And fudge. And raspberries. And ice cream.

PMS much?

5:05 PM  
Anonymous Janet said...

That cake? Sounds ammmmmaaaaaazing!

And, yes, the gnocchi from Trader Joes is AWFUL!

7:31 PM  
Blogger Married Jen/Single Jen said...

Although Olives sounds like a lovely restaurant, I must admit I was hoping for a story involving lots of martinis!

12:08 PM  

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