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Monday, December 11, 2006

And it goes a little something like this

“Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble.” ~Samuel Johnson

My astute ability at hangover prevention has apparently waned over the past few years. Thus the reason for a residual headache come Sunday. A headache that was the product of drinking nine of those miniature plastic wine glasses full of cheap red wine at a former Professor’s home and then two large, grey goose and vodkas at Science Club, because the drunk the better. I’m fairly certain that my last conversation was with Ms. K over a forkful of chocolate cake thinking fondly of filet – o – fish. Which didn’t exactly prevent the hangover the next morning or come Sunday either.

Ambitious I am enough to meticulously plan out a trip through Friendship on my way to Bethesda. Mostly to pick up new sunglasses because I’ve driving down 395 with the blinding white hot rays of sun and my hands covering my eyes and/or eyes completely closed, ergo making the feat of crossing four lanes of high speed traffic complete with type a luxury car drivers who seem to think that writing an email while driving is most brilliant, to be one of the most precious things ever. So in lieu of dying because of driving with my eyes closed, I opted to throw down $20 for some new Ralph’s at Steinmart.

I follow the ‘kill two birds with one stone’ method of errand running, in which I will get everything that needs to be done completed in one trip and since I was going to be in Friendship I’d stop at Tiffany (as in & Co) to get my bracelet cleaned, because it was rather gross. Umm so, that place gives me hives and also necessitates a few outfit changes (I’m loathe to write that I settled on this subtle Burberry shirt, as opposed to like a fucking coat/headband/bag/scarf combo that I’ve seen others wear. And that last sentence just made me die a little inside. But I digress…) because the last thing I want to do is venture to that end of Wisconsin avenue, with this massive gash below my eye (possibly drunk when it occurred, also could have been a cat, but I prefer to say a fight), rocking my sweats (Oh shut up). And you know just what end of Wisconsin I’m speaking of the end with the Saks and the Gucci. The end, which I question exactly which city I’m in and I half expect a FAO Schwartz to be around the corner because that would make my fucking life.

Anyway, my bracelet ended up all nice and shiny and I didn’t succumb from a severe silver allergy while there. Oh yes, so very, allergic to silver, actually I’m not sure if I still am, but I’d rather not test the waters and end up with puss filled welts all over my ears/neck/fingers. And while smiling that I survived that trip with my head high and managed to get almost past the Gucci store, where lo, I saw someone that I used to date. In college. Who is a staunch Michael Steele supporting Republican. Who once told me that I was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. And now he’s gay. So I saw him, and whipped out my handy dandy blackberry and practically ran into a very large Hummer.

To recap and bring it all together at the end: I make fairly poor decisions when it comes to the opposite sex and if I stop making these poor decisions and find someone to accept my status as the Biggest Lush in the DC blogging world (There was an actual vote for this superlative and I actually won), then he should know that I would prefer platinum and a solitaire emerald cut diamond setting.

The end.


Blogger Brunch Bird said...

Mmmm....chocolate cake and jewelry.
And as one of your voters I demand that you proudly wear the crown for the year. (In my defense, I'm not really sure that you're any lushier than the rest of us, but Kassy indicated this would be a funny vote and she has pretty hair, so I do what she tells me.) ;-)

12:00 PM  
Blogger Heather Anne said...

Rocking sweats was basically the story of my weekend. And I would never go in Tiffany (as in & Co.) It scares me. They'd probably ask me to leave anyway.

12:06 PM  
Blogger changapeluda said...

awwww...biggest luschious, you made me think fondly of my the drunk the better days
(replace filet o fish w/ramen noodles)

12:39 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Brunch Bird: Hell yeah, I'm going to wear that crown proudly. Might even make it my new masthead.

Heather Anne: I was surprised that they didn't ask me to leave. Seriously that place freaks me out. And all I wanted to do was leave and go cry or go to TJ Maxx. But I stuck it out.

changapeluda: Yup, Biggest Lush. I'd like to thank my mom and dad and the members of the DC blog community for embracing my love of the grape.

1:40 PM  
Blogger Marci (aka Baby Banana) said...

At least you didn't run into a very large Hammer as I first read it. Because ow, what if it tried to, like, nail you!??!? Or, what if it was like actually Hammer, only really, really big? Scary!

Anyway, you like vodka too. And wine plus vodka loving do a lush make. Also Lush makes fab bath products. Like that full circle there, don't ya?

And yes, I am probably drunk right now. I am so mad you are the Biggest Lush.

7:12 PM  
Blogger Dagny said...

Congrats on making Biggest Lush. And your ring preference? Sounds just perfect to me but how many carats?

9:46 AM  

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