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Monday, December 18, 2006

Crimes Against Cupcakes and other faux disasters*

“People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Worship," The Conduct of Life, 1860

While Stacy spent her Saturday working on the site, I spent mine in Georgetown for 12 straight hours – after parking in a pristine spot right on the corner of M and Wisconsin – and let her remind me over the phone that I obviously hate mommybloggers. And not only do I hate mommybloggers, but I also hate rainbows, puppies, babies, butterflies and Tony Romo. But yes, I dislike and spent my day contemplating such and intermittently asking El Madre when she was going to have Chris introduce me to Will and also being cantankerous. And well, it’s lovely when my avid pissy attitude spills all the way to Monday. So much so that I’ve spent more than my fair share of time, going between wishing for someone to lose an appendage and poking the bottom of each chocolate (in a two pound box) with a letter opener to see what was inside. Who the hell thought of a box of chocolates without a guide at the bottom was clearly smoking something that I would really like to be a part of.

Oh and I mentioned spill which means that it’s an easy segue into the state of my kitchen. My kitchen which looks like a baking experiment gone awry and has looks that way since Saturday. And again, I emphasize how very Monday it is, which is a long way from Saturday, which means that I shouldn’t still be looking at the same pile of flour on the kitchen counter that I was looking at Saturday night**. And please tell me what kind of person leaves cupcakes out in the open, not in an airtight container? So not only has she wreaked havoc on my kitchen – not that I use the damn thing, but really, I would enjoy some TJ’s Mac & cheese without having to reach over dried up chocolate sauce on the stove – but she also disregards the feelings of cupcakes. And as a lover of cupcakes I must say that I am appalled, by these crimes against cupcakes and will deal with my roommate accordingly.

*I’ve decided that if I’m ever propositioned to write a book with segues and paragraphs and shit, then the first one would be called (first, meaning that I get a contract to write two books and a seven figure advance. Oohhh, sorry, hell just froze over) This Isn’t Education and the second would be called Crimes Against Cupcakes.

**I've been trying to post a picture of the damn kitchen for like 15 minutes now and I can't. And it's driving my crazy. And blogger is a dirty whore.


Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

Did you get a new roommate? I thought she was some freak-o-nature who enjoyed tidying and making flower arrangements.

5:50 AM  
Blogger Eric said...

I'm having a hard time imagining the type of person who would bake cupcakes but doesn't clean up after herself and doesn't store said cupcakes properly. That's like a walking contradiction.

8:30 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Lux: Nope! Same roommate! I don't get it...

Eric: Seriously, who doesn't store cupcakes properly?? Everyone knows that cupcakes are sensitive and prone to drying out very easily. I'm so annoyed though...not just about the cupcakes but my KITCHEN!

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Stephanie said...

Um, my kitchen still looks a little bit like that (but not quite so bad... nothing a quick wipe-down won't take care of) from Saturday, because I had to rush out the door and share my cookies almost immediately upon completing my day o' baking and haven't spent much time there since... but I live alone! I am the only one who is annoyed by my mess. (And I am actually annoyed... why do I hate having a dirty apartment, but also HATE cleaning so? I mean really, I just need to swipe a damn paper towel over the thing. I've just tried to avoid doing too much in my kitchen since.)

And I store my cookies properly. Otherwise, what's the damn point? No one wants stale cookies!

1:44 PM  

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