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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Do not be friends with this girl

“I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.” ~Franklin P. Adams

Because I believe that movies should be watched and pondered alone, I don’t tend to attend movies with friends just for the hell of it. The movie has to be one that I know will captivate me or I have to be threatened by said friend and/or promised pitchers of sangria immediately after the viewing. Those stipulations are carefully articulated and highlighted in my friend contract. Right under the section that provides instruction on how to react when I’m about to flip my shit. I’m complicated.

My presence was requested at a viewing of Pan’s Labyrinth. When Kimber suggested it, I said, how about we just head straight to the drinking part of the evening and do not pass go, do not collect $200 anywhere near a movie that involves a talking tree. Though at the time, I didn’t know that there was an actual talking tree, I just guessed. In fact the only way she got me to go see the movie was by mentioning the word “Franco”. Because up there with the fervor that I exhibit when speaking of Trader Joe’s and wine, is my interest in European dictators. Which isn’t to say that I agree with totalitarian regimes or facism, or propaganda against an entire group of people based on their religion, creed, or where they purchase their shoes; but for some reason it all fascinates me.

To pinpoint the exact moment that I decided to read up on Mussolini, is something that I’m unaware of. Though I think it was about the same time that I had my mother read Poe to me before bed. I’m assuming 8 or 9 years old. Calling me an odd child, would be putting it mildly. There’s also no reason for it nor did it come from any source. Kind of like the way that I’m obsessed with Congress and can tell the difference between 250 white men over 50. Thinking about it now, it’s the entire history of Europe that I find ridiculously intriguing, especially dictatorships (how it’s possible) and...uh...the House of Bourbon.

In sum: I am weird. So very, weird. And mentioning a dictator will get me to see a movie. A movie, which was a spectacularly weird feat of vivid imagery and violence rolled up into two hours of a talking tree, a puking frog, and a girl who doesn’t know how to fucking listen. Oh and another guy who was the spitting image of Voldemort.

Next up on my tour of oddities: I woke up crying after a ‘nightmare’ that ended with the death of Hugh Laurie.

16 Comments:

Blogger Dooce Fan! said...

I was told by friends to stay away from Pan’s Labyrinth. They said it was a futile story with exact pacing throughout. I thought it was going to be like the Neverending Story with weird but friendly characters like the dragon Falcor. But, they said it was sicker than Hostel.

I also like Trader Joe’s wine. It is also called Two Buck Chuck.

10:45 PM  
Blogger Dagny said...

It's odd to like Poe at age 8 or 9? No, I think not. Then again I grew up with a mom who liked to recite "The Raven" to me. That and Chaucer.

Thank you for the warning about the movie. Now if you're really planning, you take the cocktails into the movie instead of waiting to have them after. Not that I would ever do anything like that. Well, not since college. Nowadays for girls' night out, we hit a bar and then a movie.

10:51 PM  
Anonymous nabbalicious said...

So, not so much on the movie, huh? I've heard good things, but maybe I'll just save it for a rental? Especially when the plot involves people who don't listen. That shit drives me crazy.

9:35 AM  
Anonymous unforgiving b*tch said...

Hmm...so a no-go on the movie? Thanks for the heads up.

9:42 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Dooce Fan!: I've never seen Hostel, but yes the violence and gore is a bit much. And the Two Buck rocks my world.

Dagny: My mom recited Tell Tale Heart though my personal favorite is Annabel Lee

Nabbalicious: It was good but creeped the hell out of me. And seriously a lot could have been avoided if that girl had just listened to the talking tree. But she didn't and so bad things happened.

Unforgiving b*tch: Like I stated above, just really violent. And unnecessarily so.

Oh and the other thing is that it's in Spanish, which I didn't know until I got there. Thankfully I understood 89% of it, as some of it was archaic and/or catalan. Which means that I never had the opportunity to take my eyes off of the gore to like read anything on the screen.

10:59 AM  
Blogger Jennie said...

Oh but seriously, if Hugh Laurie died, I would be so SO sad.

11:10 AM  
Anonymous Angela said...

God, I hope that's not an omen...

Anyway, I can completely identify with the 8 year old Heather B that was obsessed with Poe, although my other passion wasn't dictators but was, and still is, Henry VIII. Although I suppose he was about as dictatorial as a monarch can possibly be, so maybe there is a loose connection there.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

My "reading up on Mussolini happened after my dad taught me the following song (sung to the tune of whistle while you work):
"Whistle while you work
Hitler is a jerk
Mussolini bit of his weenie
Now it doesn't work!"

4:28 PM  
Blogger metalia said...

Ah, yes...the Poe stage; I know it well. Was memorization of "The Raven" involved, or was that just me?

11:50 PM  
Blogger GirlGoyle said...

Poe...one of my favorites. Mussolini, as an italian - not so favorite. Or I should say there was some kind of sanity to his madness until possesed by visions of grandeur signed a contract with the devil himself and destroyed our country. Fool!

7:57 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Jennie: Seriously it was like the saddest thing ever. And then I woke up so upset. It was awful

Angela: He chopped off his wife's head. That's sufficient. I hope it's not an omen either.

Lux Lisbon: How very clever. Did he make that up himself?

Metalia: Ok, now I'm feeling better about myself. Apparently everyone at some point or another is obsessed with Poe. And yes, I did memorize the Raven.

Girlgoyle: Everyone love Poe! It's a Poe love fest. Mussolini not so much of course because I have morals and I am adverse to dictators. But my God, they're interesting little motherfuckers.

9:28 AM  
Anonymous LisaBinDaCity said...

Hugh Laurie is alive and well, thank heavens!!!

9:31 AM  
Blogger Heather Anne said...

I think it would be awesome if Hugh Laurie just broke it out with his British accent on House. It's hot.

9:44 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

LisaB: Joy!

Heather Anne: Of course you think the accent is hot. ;)

4:21 PM  
Anonymous Meg said...

I think Hugh Laurie's death would make me cry too! No more house? Sob!

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Gooseberried said...

My friend Molly and I decided to go see The Holiday because well, we're girls and we were feeling particularly girlie that evening. We decided to invite a certain weirdo who lives down the hall because she was all by herself and wanted to hang out. We knocked on her door and noticed that she had a bottle of Jim Beam in her hand a shot glass on the table as she invited us in. We asked her about The Holiday, there was a pause and she finally looked up at us and said, "That movie looks like it's made for girls. Why don't we go see Pan's Labyrinth instead?" (slow-mo) This was said while little dollups of alcohol ran down her chin.

Since then, I've decided that if a scary, all black wearing (including lipstick), alcoholic, slow motion talker likes a particular movie, then that movie is probably not one that I would enjoy. I've been traumatized out of that movie.

1:32 PM  

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