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Sunday, January 21, 2007

Feeling crunchy

*This post inspired by the always effervescent and witty Alice Bradley

“The belly rules the mind” – Spanish Proverb

One Sunday morning, you will follow the usual routine of reading the New York Times and drinking café au lait with splenda. This just after a Saturday morning full of Wait, Wait...don’t tell me. You realize that you are the epitome of a pretentious North East liberal. You shrug and continue perusing until you happen upon an article about making your own granola, which you are far too lazy to do given your propensity to scour the Trader Joe’s frozen food aisle because cooking is something you do not have time for. So you go back to contemplating the meaning of life and the title of ‘President’ before the name Biden.

A few days later you will be cruising around Google Reader and notice that the lovely and talented Alice Bradley, has read the same NYT article and then decided to delve into the world of creative granola making. Much to your chagrin she details her experience and then speaks of her homemade granola with such enthusiasm that you feel as if you’ve missed something. You go back and re-read and then think back to your recent issues of Vegetarian Times and Food & Wine and briefly recall your personal resolution to cook more items that do not come straight out of a box (cough Trader Joe’s Mac & Cheese cough).

To wit you spend the remainder of the week thinking that if there were five ingredients you would put into granola, besides rolled oats, what would they be? Then your mouth begins to drool thinking of all the granola you could possibly make and all the possibilities of granola to be made. So with list in hand you march over to Trader Joe’s half drooling and admire the cashews and almonds and debate between dried cranberries or dried pineapple or perhaps some banana chips.

You go home with almond slices, dried cranberries, and soy nuts but you purchase the soy nuts with trepidation given their already roasted and salted status. The above is then mixed with some leftover dried coconut, walnuts and some delicious Lake Champlain honey. All will be cooked while you are decked out in your Christmas pajamas. While cooking, you deliberately clean up the kitchen and empty the dishwasher then load the dishwasher and organize the Tupperware in order to show your roommate how one properly cleans a kitchen after usage. There may or may not be heavy sighing and shuffling abound.

Then the lovely mixture is removed from the oven, toasted to perfection and your panna cotta and fresh pesto making roommate may or may not drool a little and say ‘yummy’. You will proceed to eat the fresh granola and char the inside of your mouth but oh my hell, you are a genius of epic proportions. Because you’re feeling good about your awesome domesticity you begin to slice avocado for lunch the next day and think good thoughts about Drew Brees and Peyton Manning.

It’s finally time to taste your granola and it confirms your previous suspicions that you are a culinary master whose talent has been hidden for far too long. You contemplate telling your tale to the Internet, because you’re just so freaking proud of yourself that you want to shout of from the rooftops. You don’t care if people will think you a granola eating, special interest pandering, vegetarian, pinko, commie, liberal, because holy hell that granola might be the best damn thing you’ve ever tasted. You will inevitably spend the remainder of the day periodically diving into a vat of granola. You are brilliant.

16 Comments:

Blogger Mocha said...

When you are done cooling it off and pack it up in a plastic bag, you will ship them to me.

You will.

You will.

(Did that Jedi Mind Trick work on you?)

9:27 PM  
Blogger metalia said...

*Drool* It sounds so very, very delicious.

9:33 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Mocha: Yeah, that would be really nice of me, but no. Oooh, but I could make a bag and bring it with me to chicago...hmmm.

Metalia: It is so very, very delicious.

10:20 PM  
Anonymous jonniker said...

Alice had me drooling for it, and now you! And I have a bum tooth and I don't even LIKE granola that much! WHYYYYYY?

11:13 PM  
Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

God I haven't had granola in ages! That sounds delish.

3:57 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Next you'll tell me that you're wearing Birkenstocks and sporting a hemp purse.

;)

share recipe, please?

8:45 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Ok, I just wrote a really long fucking comment on my own site extolling the wonder that is granola and then blogger ate it.

::HATE::

The recipe:

- 3 cups of TJ's rolled oats, which won't be anywhere near the baking section but over near the cereal. Use the kind with the wheat and barley in it. Added Fiber and fewer calories.

- some almond slivers

- some dried cranberries

- some leftover walnuts from like November, that you totally forgot about.

- some leftover coconut from like November, that you left opened and totally forgot about.

- some soy nuts

- an assload of honey. Be sure to get it all over the kitchen counter and in your hair. (about a cup and a half. but depends on taste.)

- bake for about 30 minutes on 325. I guessed the temp. I probably don't belong in a kitchen, but whatever.

- come within seconds of making cajun style granola. stir a bit. bake some more. and presto chango, you have some yummy granola.

Also Liz, I have like three pairs of birkenstocks. But it was too cold to wear them yesterday and I already had my regular slippers on.
I'm also planning to give birth with a midwife.

Crunchy

11:33 AM  
Anonymous Lissa said...

You have inspired me and I am now going to make my way to Whole Foods after work.

12:08 PM  
Blogger Marci (aka Baby Banana) said...

What?!?!?! You rooted for the Saints over the Bears? Oh the horror! I mean I guess it's ok (NOW) since Manning got in, cuz now I am all Indy, all the way baby.

Also? Tre impressed with your granola baking. Got any Fage yogurt on hand? Cuz that would be the perfect death or er breakfast if you could survive the yumminess.

12:31 PM  
Blogger changapeluda said...

Mmmmmmmm Hmmmmmmmmm!
(or yummmorz/yummy yummy in your tummy)

& i hate the
blogger eater outter

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Stephanie said...

I want some!

1:44 PM  
Blogger Heather Anne said...

This very much reminded me of Bridget Jones, after she slides scores the interview with the Kurdish freedom fighter.

Hurrah. Am national celebrity. Suspect am somewhat of a genius in kitchen, as well.

1:49 PM  
Anonymous Lawyerish said...

My grandmother used to make her own granola, and OH, how yummy. I think I shall unearth that recipe. The homemade granola inspiration has overtaken the Internet!

2:03 PM  
Anonymous Gooseberried said...

I'll have to give that a try one of these days when I have money. Until then, .88 Mac-n-Cheese it is!

-Shelle

P.S. Facebook is funny.

3:04 PM  
Anonymous zandria said...

You made granola? Wow! You're right, that always seems like one of those things that would just be too difficult or "out there" to do -- but I guess if you have the ingredients, it doesn't really require all that much time, right? Interesting idea! Sounds extremely delicious. :)

10:07 AM  
Blogger Karl said...

Home made granola? Wow, you're far more energetic and adventurous than I. Sounds like far too much work. Course, maybe if I had a Trader Joe's around here...

10:36 AM  

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