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Friday, February 02, 2007

Carnival of the Mundane: Part the XXIX

The following is my first time hosting of the Carnival of the Mundane and it might be my last. Be gentle.

"There are thousands of thoughts lying within a man that he does not know till he takes up the pen and writes." ~William Makepeace Thackeray

After being named the Academy Award Winner for best original screenplay for the blockbuster movie “This Isn't Education"

Well…wow…::laughs:: I have no idea where to begin. This is beyond surprising and I didn’t even have a speech prepared. They tell you to think about it but I never really believed that I could actually win and so now I’m at a loss.


Lord, I don’t even know if we can swear during these things? Is it ok to say oh my holy fuck? That probably got bleeped out by the censors.

And speaking of um…holy, everyone seems to start out by thanking God, something about without Him all things would not be possible. And in that same vein, I should thank Jesus for turning water into wine without which I would not be able to imbibe on all the sweet, sweet syrah that I drank while producing this work. And without which I would not have the brilliance of my good friend Mad Kane to decipher those tricky wine labels for me.

You know, this screenplay was a labor of love that required hardwork and dedication, that I wouldn’t have been able to give without ample help. Like from my house keeper – the Saint that he is – for purchasing a new vacuum cleaner after mine spontaneously combusted all over my brand new carpet job. I’m also thankful that he didn’t have to go through nearly a sucky - HA! Sucky - of an experience as Postmodern Sass.

I wrote much of this screenplay – the best original screenplay – while overseas. Where I could be alone and as misanthropic as possible. I’d awake every morning on the same side of my giant bed – much like the dear Blundering American who taught me to enjoy my time alone as much as possible before I had to head back to the states and deal with others possibly wanting to share my space. But I got to write everyday with the wonderful Batya sitting next to me soaking up the beautiful view and the experience. And I’d call Abigail. But sadly Abigail would spend most of our conversation cursing Verizon and it’s lackadaisical customer service. But that would be OK because I’d spend most of our conversation by telling her of the view and the new kick ass – wait, are we allowed to say ‘ass’ – and witty t-shirts that Sara None provided. Because we all know that brilliance comes from being able to rock a shirt with a tiara and an emphatic “go die”, proudly.

::Orchestra strums::

::Actually Orchestra has been strumming for the past 27 seconds::

Gosh, I have to wrap up, I think that the constant plucking of the harpsicord means something. I just want to say that I never could have imagined all of my success in writing novels and screenplays. Who knew that all of my dreams would come true after a few lame ass blog posts – ahh remember blogging?? – about making my own granola. I’d just like to say one last thank you to my manager Karl, who always made me believe in the tallest of tales and that if I continued to contort my face into that of loathing, that it would stay that way. And finally to the production team, headed by Marisa, who knows the power of the written word and is probably spent a lot of time hoping that one day my crap ass novels would be able to be sold to the highest bidder.

Well Marisa, I hope that an Oscar is good enough for you. Goodnight.

And so ends my contribution to the Carnival of the Mundane. I think I shall drink now or at least take a very long nap.


Blogger Karl said...

Excellent job. Thanks for putting it all together.

9:53 AM  
Anonymous Marisa said...

Looks fantastic! An Oscar certainly is good enough for me. ;)

2:21 PM  
Blogger Mocha said...

Drink. Nap. In that order.

This wasn't mundane at all. You're quite entertaining. The orchestra music was beautiful. I was humming along in my head.

4:46 PM  
Blogger Mad Kane said...

Great job! Thanks very much for including my wine humor!

4:58 PM  
Blogger Postmodern Sass said...

Another successful raising of the big tent for the Carnival of the Mundane. Thank you, Heather!

3:10 PM  
Blogger muse said...

Wonderful! Wonderful!
You did a great job, and thanks for the link!

11:09 PM  
Anonymous beej said...

Loved this latest Carnival!

It's OK to swear (not that I'm validating you). I do it all the time in my blog, and the last time I hosted I believe I let a couple bombs fly and no one noticed :)

Good job!

3:21 AM  
Blogger Blundering American said...

Bravo! Thanks for hosting!!!

10:09 AM  
Blogger muse said...

Wonderful job, thanks for the link!

2:20 PM  

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