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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

The mouse will play

While my roomie's away...

"I like the word 'indolence.' It makes my laziness seem classy." ~Bern Williams

When Mel moved in, she promised furniture including a glorious wine rack and table combo. She delivered exceptionally as that was pretty much the selling point for her. It also helps that if I were to ever find myself stranded in Hawaii, I’d have a free place to stay.

As she mentioned the wine rack, my eyes lit up with anticipation, because she doesn’t drink. Not a sip. Something about enzymes or another. To which I replied, that I only drink occasionally. And only wine, as I’m sort of an oneophile. The first night she slept here, I drank an entire bottle of yellowtail while telling her about the price of shots in Salamanca. Poor girl didn’t realize that I have the capability to be completely full of shit, especially when I come in Wednesday through Saturday, having enjoyed my share of an open bar. My feelings on that are as follows: It’s free and someone has already paid for it. Why let all that delicious Ketel One go to waste?

The other day she said that she would be going to Texas for a few days. My heart skipped a beat though I doubt I let it show. I said “oh ok” while envisioning walking around the apartment in my Calvin Klein’s and eating everything and not putting the dishes in the dishwasher. I had to keep myself from clicking my heels and confessing my plans to party up and be
irresponsible with housekeeping for four. whole. days. It’s like my mom was going away and I had free reign to turn the living room into a disaster area and not get the stink eye for being and indolent lush. It's like the woman of the house is away and I, the man, can, do as I please without the old woman being all up in my shit.

For the past three days I have consumed crustini and gouda for breakfast and as a quick hors d’ouevre. After that I went straight for the bottle of wine and the egg rolls. And tonight I’ve gone to a new low: Rum and diet coke and a bagel pizza with some peas on the side.

My laundry is strewn through out the apartment and I can watch House without her covering her eyes and saying ‘ewww’. My bras are hanging on the back of the front door, the bathroom door handle and the outside of my bedroom.

I feel like such a fucking rebel. Tomorrow I’m going to watch Sports Center all day and polish off my case of Yeungling. I’ll just be sure to hide the bottles so mom doesn’t find out.



Blogger Dagny said...

Hmmm. Sounds like a normal day for me. Except for the Sports Center stuff. Perhaps this is why I have not married. Because I have grown to enjoy living alone and loving that I don't have to clean up if I don't feel like it. Also I don't have to share the wine.

10:58 PM  
Anonymous Jorge said...

Does your Me, perchance, read your blog?

And how do you smoke Gouda? In a pipe? Or in rolling papers?

11:59 PM  
Anonymous zandria said...

Some of that stuff I can see not doing if your roommate is around (like leaving bras hanging all over the place), but I say: eat and drink what you want! Why should a roommate have any control over that? :)

9:40 AM  
Blogger kris said...

This is glorious for you. I am most pleased.

Love that the bottle on the table is empty. And it's daylight out. Atta girl.

11:16 AM  
Blogger Pink Lemonade Diva said...

you get gorgeous natural light up in there!

12:15 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

Dagny: I lived alone for a year. It was the best year of my life. Ever. EVER.

Jorge: rolling papers, my friend. Definitely rolling papers.

Zandria: I just feel self concious. Like she's judging me for eating crustini and smoked gouda straight from the container, while she whips up fresh pesto and panna cotta. She also doesn't drink, so I prefer to be rocked when she can't see me trying to open a box of pizza with my mouth.

Kris: Well, I aim to please.

PLD: Oh yes, I do. Huge bay windows. Sadly everyone and their brother can see right inside of my apartment. And there are those mornings where I have to go find my clothing on the couch and I end up getting dressed. In front of the open window. READ: This morning.

12:22 PM  
Blogger Namaste said...

love it. this is why living alone is a dream come true!

1:28 PM  
Anonymous gorillabuns said...

this post reminds me of when my husband is out of town.

glorious piles of laundry strewn about with me perched on the couch, drinking whatever is in my liquor cabinet while watching my kids dance to "american idol."

okay, so the kid thing is not so glam.

1:49 AM  

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