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Thursday, March 22, 2007

What a good country song is made of

"Every path hath a puddle. " ~George Herbert

Kimber invited me to partake in a few drinks in Chinatown and given my faulty relationships as of late, I decided to give up a night of misanthropy for a pitcher of sangria.

The sangria being mostly weak and Kimber being my esteemed counterpart when it comes to all things fermented, we decided on an Irish bar down the street for she wanted to partake in ‘real drinking’ and I am nothing if not a ‘real’ drinker.

Upon approach of the second establishment an ID was required and none was produced on my part. Though I shook it off and we decided on Clyde’s. Though annoying and with a royal stick up it’s ass because of it’s claims on popularity, it’s there and easy and there wasn’t a burly black man at the door with a blonde Mohawk. So off we went.

We sat at the bar. I batted my eyelashes and smiled to pilfer a bar stool from two gentlemen who then proceeded to check out my ass. The bartender took our drink requests, Pilsner, Bud light…and before getting to me, he requested an ID.

Never have those words yielded such a look of pure pain and sorrow and essentially heartbreak. I stammered and stumbled something about taking my license out of one bag before putting it in another as I had recently been flying.

He responded with the look of ice cold seriousness that he needed an ID.

I ordered a diet coke and proceeded to look away in order to fight back tears when he actually produced a diet coke that tasted like ass flavored water, while those around me enjoyed the fruits of Czech labor. I literally went from jovial to humming a little diddy about how my man done left me and my ID has gone astray. A very sad and lonesome tale of a poor girl trapped in a bar unable to enjoy her much needed ketel one and tonic because she didn’t have proof of age*.

But by the look on my face you would have thought that my dog just got run over by a hummer just minutes after finding out about an unplanned pregnancy and a tornado done blew my home away. What can I say? I take my drinking very seriously.

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Anonymous Alison said...

Not long ago I got carded (I had my driver's license on me, thank goodness) and I was a bit flabbergasted. I've been 21 for, oh, FIFTEEN years! I guess I should have been flattered.

I also guess you'll be making doubly sure you have your ID with you from now on. ;)

7:56 AM  
Blogger Dagny said...

That so sucks. It's also the reason why I'm anal about checking that I have my ID with me. I've been there before. And nothing better than driving 30 minutes only to discover that you cannot get into the place.

8:04 AM  
Anonymous freckledk said...

Sorry - that sucks.

I had that happen to me last year at Lucky Bar. And I'm 35, and I pretty much look it.

9:13 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

What a sad, sad story.

1:04 PM  
Anonymous Anna said...

yeah, it happened to me too once upon a time and even though I'm not amazingly great at learning by my own mistakes I've had my ID on me at all times ever since.

don't worry kid, one day you'll get over that trauma!

2:50 PM  
Blogger Bone said...

There is a country song about an unplanned pregnancy, where the guy finds out the baby isn't his.

A few lines for your enjoyment...

No she wasn't showing yet
But she'd be by Christmas time
Up there like a fool
I took for granted it was mine...

3:47 PM  
Blogger mysterygirl! said...

"A tornado done blew my home away" is classic. I'm sorry that you missed out on your drinks-- you need to have proof of age strapped to your body at all times, just in case.

4:18 PM  
Anonymous gorillabuns said...

i wish i could feel your pain on the ID issue but alas, i can't. i have to pay people that were born the year i graduated from college to pity me and check my ID.i pay them in lottery tickets but what the hell, it's money all the same.

11:33 PM  
Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

My best friend kept a duplicate ID I secured by means that weren't completely legal due tot he fact that I can NEVER find my ID and she is excellent at adverting tragedy.

6:35 AM  
Anonymous dionna said...

My best friend in law school was consistent about forgetting her ID at home. We'd all uproot from at least one set of bar stools to find a more user-friendly establishment.

11:09 AM  

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