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Monday, April 02, 2007

Crazy love

"Computers must be male. As soon as you commit to one you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the day." ~Author Unknown

I never thought I’d be this person. A person who loves unconditionally, even though there might be some flaws, I see past them to see the overall beauty of Bordeaux. I thought Mac people were silly, creative, hipster types who sipped lattes in trendy coffee shops while hunched over their computers writing about Nietzsche. Those ‘right-brain’, smart types with the ability to be expressive and visionary while using big words in complete sentences. A group of people that I have no business cavorting with.

And then one day it was as if I made this rather big decision to see what all the hype was all about. Mahill kept professing his love for Steve Jobs and that whole ‘you can just plug it in and it works’ nonsense. I called bullshit though and needed to look and test drive and lightly touch the perfectly pristine cover. I saved my pennies and brought home Bordeaux and ever since then I have been in deep love.

Oh you all do not even know of the things that can be done with this machine. The comic strips and the easy start up and the way t
hat iphoto proves to be more interesting to an 18 month old than Blue’s Clues. Behold, a miracle.

It has made coming home to sit down and write less of a seizure inducing ‘I’m going to go stick my head in this oven’ activity. And more of a pleasure…more like an ‘I’m going to sit here and drink some Malbec while fondly thinking of a million other ways to pepper my writing with the f-word’ activity. When Stacy brought Pax home and spoke of her discovery and the way it truly can change one’s life and way of thinking, I wanted to hug her from 3,000 miles away and exclaim YES! For it is amazing.

The drawback would be the daytime. T
hose eight hours a day in which I’m forced to be at the beckon call of Michael Dell’s ass box. The way I slam on the keyboard and move the mouse around frantically as it eats away at precious time I could be using for copying and watching baseball, because it continuously freezes. And when it doesn’t freeze, it just shuts itself down and restarts all by itself. Which might prove just how far technology has advanced and maybe there’ll be flying cars tomorrow, but for now it’s a fucking pain in the ass nuisance. Every morning I die a little inside knowing that I have to ctrl+alt+del my way through the following eight hours. It’s a sad, sad existence.

True Story: This weekend, I was running late and had Bordeaux in the back seat. I made a sharp turn off of the Beltway and he fell. I picked him up as soon as I noticed what had happened and hugged him to my chest and hoped – nay, prayed – that he would be OK* and fully functional when I went to watch Best in Show for the 45th time. Of course, he was. But I fear that day, many years from now, when I learn the hard way that Steve Jobs might not be the genius that I had originally thought, but we do not speak of that. For now I feel like this might be how parenting goes for me. Name the kid some shitty name like Cabernet, drop it, kiss it’s boo boo, then fall asleep on top of it after using it to watch Borat naked wrestle a fat man. I am poised to be quite awesome at that whole parenting thing.

*Believe it or not, the same thing once happened with a six pack of Pilsner Urquell. I stopped short and hit someone’s bumper. The first thing I did was turn around to MAKE SURE THE BEER WAS OK and then I checked my car. For I have my priorities straight.

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Blogger janet said...

The one thing keeping me from quitting my job, ohhh yesterday, is that we are an all-Mac workplace. I don't know what I'll do when I have to spend time on a PC again.

(God, I sound like a seriously annoying Mac person, don't I?)

9:54 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

I love that you comment "God, I sound like a seriously annoying Mac person..." on a post in which I spend six paragraphs being an annoying Mac person. I love annoying Mac people.

10:03 PM  
Blogger E :) said...

And I love "Best In Show."

Are you ready for da show? I'm not. I'm foolishly still operating in PC mode and itching to move over to mac as soon as the purse strings will allow, say five years or so at this rate. Dammit.

4:00 AM  
Blogger Jo said...

I don't have a Mac... but maybe soon I will. My PC is on it's last legs.

However, I'l like to point out how much I love your taste in alcoholic beverages. I love me some Pilsner Urquell and Malbecs are some of my faves as well. Nothing like a wine that tastes like it kicked you in the throat.

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Leah said...

On second thought, maybe I won't (future-)ask you to (future-)babysit my (future-)children...

2:11 PM  
Blogger Dagny said...

Of course, you had to check on the safety of the Pilsner Urquell. Isn't that a normal response?

9:37 PM  
Blogger EDW said...

Welcome to the fold. I'll see you in coffee shop, the one that sells booze.

10:00 PM  

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