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Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Queen of Everything

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you."” ~A.A. Milne

I’ve probably told this story before, but I don’t care, because it’s one of my favorites. That one day when still living in Northwest, I was walking to my apartment on the phone with Kimber. There is a large empty park next to my old building and located on a very public and heavily trafficked street. And there in the middle of the park there was a very pregnant woman getting her picture taken in the middle of the park on Massachusetts Avenue in the middle of rush hour. Thus, I dubbed her Crazy Pregnant Lady to Kimber whose response was “oh my word, that’s the dumbest thing ever”.

I forgot about Crazy Pregnant Lady for a time and then discovered her blog and devoured her archives. I emailed Crazy Pregnant Lady about my enjoyment of her site and offered to babysit for her unborn child because that’s obviously so completely normal: “Umm hi, you don’t know me and I’m a crazy stalker freak who wants to babysit for your fetus. Wanna be friends?”

Anyway, Crazy Pregnant Lady never wrote back; at least not until about two months later when she requested my services despite the oddness of it all. I replied with an enthusiastic ‘Dude! YES!’ and the rest as they say is history.

I’m not sure how it is with most babysitters and their charges, but I fell in love with Noah. Despite the fact that the kid is gorgeous, he’s also amazing and funny. He gives hugs and kisses and likes to make faces in the mirror and I’m pretty sure that introducing him to Photobooth made his short little life. I figure that how he felt about Photobooth is how I felt about discovering Trader Joe’s: Shock and awe.

Growing up I had plenty of babysitters including an au pair. I have scattered memories of all of them, but nothing really tangible. If one walked up to me on the street today, I would have no recollection. For me they were just a string of women who were forced to deal with my brother and I locking each other in the garage in the dead of winter. Or the time I stepped on G’s back and he spit in my face. I’m sure these women felt really blessed with their good fortune of babysitting heathens. We even made our au pair cry once and so she locked herself in her room until my mother came home. Good times.

Last night Amy and I went out for drinks. It’s been something that we’ve wanted to do but never had the opportunity for until now. And thankfully she’d already been drinking when I told her that not only had I given my two weeks notice earlier that day, but that I’d also be moving. To Albany. And then I almost started crying at the bar, because of all of the people I’ve babysat for – and there have been loads – she and Jason have by far been the easiest and the best and they, in turn, have gotten a babysitter who has readily made herself available at the drop of a hat every week for the past 18 months.

They’ll find a replacement, I’m sure; probably not someone who will drive an hour in rush hour to come to them. And it’s not like I had the intention of babysitting him until he could stay home alone, because then I’d be like 45. But dude, I’m going to miss him so damn much. And even though he screams and looks like someone just shot his dog every time he sees me, and I have the audacity to actually wash his hair, I’m sure that deep down inside, he’s going to miss me too.

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Blogger Brunch Bird said...

WTF?! You're moving?! Jesus P. Christ sitting on a muffin top I was not consulted about this!

12:02 PM  
Anonymous sassymonkey said...

I also totally missed the part about you moving!

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...


The hell? I just met you!

1:13 PM  
Blogger Mappy B said...

You're moving to Savannah? Yeah!!! I can't wait to see you! :)

1:51 PM  
Anonymous Leah said...

I made my babysitters cry too; thank god there's no karma in the great cosmic babysitting universe.

I'm assuming you don't mean Albany, California, i.e., ten minutes from my house. Because that would be RAD.

3:31 PM  
Anonymous chirky said...

How can you just drop "I'm moving to Albany" in like that? Like it's nothing big at all? ALBANY? At first I was like, "Is that in CANADA?"

And then a very small part of my brain whispered: "New York, dumbass."

Oh, right.

Except I just looked it up in MapQuest, and did you know there's actually 10 Albany's in the U.S.? So can you clarify that for us?

Anyway, what will you be doing in Canada? (Because as far as I'm concerned, way down here in Dallas, you MIGHT AS WELL be in Canada, it's THAT far away.)

4:02 PM  
Blogger Dagny said...

Albany, huh? Guess I'll scratch that trip to DC this summer off my list. Because the possibility of hanging out with you was about the only thing that was going to make being around my family bearable. But now that I've read Chirky's comment, I realize that you meant Albany, California. And that means we'll be neighbors.

7:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You DO MEAN Albany, NY, right? Where I live, right? Right?

Please don't tell me Albany, GA or CA...

Jojo gives great kisses, too!

8:22 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

OK...I am moving to Albany, NY. With the snow and the cold weather for 8 months out of the year and my parents! Gah. And no Trader Joe's or Jeff Tunks food or Anthropologie.

And, jesus lord, the SNOW.

But there's always Fall and apples and lots of chunky sweaters and Lake George and the Track and parents. It all works itself out.

Everybody clear now?

8:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YAY YAY! I win! I win! She's coming to MY area! Woot!

Sorry. Ahem. Hi Heather. I'm Stacy. Welcome to Albany! We're very excited you're moving to our area.

9:11 PM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

Wow. I had no idea you were so close to greatness, with the Amalah and all.

Albany? Is this political? Because isn't Albany the capital of something?

10:55 PM  
Anonymous gorillabuns said...

wait! you can move to OKC where there is no Trader Joe's or Jeff Tunks food or Anthropologie but i'll beat your new salary.

basically, i have two kids that need major hair washing.

and i have an awesome liquor cabinet. yeah, i know. that statement just sweetened the pot.

12:23 AM  
Blogger The Princess said...

Yeah, we moved here from DC (born and raised) about 5 years ago and I've shown nothing but great detest for the area every moment of it.....until I had my daughter and would go home to visit my Mom and realized that that cute little park I loved as a child is now part of the Beltway!

Good luck and if you need any pointers just send me a email. Or hey! If you have Baby fever and are just dying to babysit an adorable child, I'd be able to help you out there!

6:57 AM  
Blogger Isabel said...

Big life changes are always hard. No matter where you are in your life. But you'll do just fine.

And you'll still get to see Amalah (and ME) at BlogHer. And I'll let you hold pictures of my kid. That's almost as good as a snuggle from him.

And also, YOU GET TO LIVE BY MY BBF, HollowSquirrel. And I hear her little Jojo gives awesome hugs too.

10:22 AM  
Blogger green_canary said...

New York, baby! Good for you! Best state on the planet! Although... Albany? It's sort of a hike to Manhattan. Can't be done on a Vespa. Or a bicycle. But still... New York, baby!

11:33 AM  
Blogger themikestand said...

...might as well have been Canada. Come on up, Heather. We're friendly, gun-averse, gay-friendly, and generally wishy-washy. Oh, and you can enjoy our snow as much as New York's!

1:55 PM  
Blogger mdvelazquez said...

Congrats on the new job!

2:00 PM  
Anonymous Angela said...

Wow... it's a really big day to be catching up on blogs... Good luck with the big move though. I hate the process of moving so, so, so much, but on the flip side it definitely keeps things interesting, and I'm always happy I did it.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Jo said...

But....It's cold in Albany.

*sigh* Good luck with your move.

You'd better keep blogging though. That's all I'm saying.

3:01 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

Aw, the washing Noah's hair part totally got me. I wish I knew why.

8:22 PM  

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