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Monday, April 09, 2007

What would you say?

“I’ll tell you in another life, when we’re both cats” – Vanilla Sky

Though I doubt I should have to explain myself, like ever, I feel the need to acquiesce to my gut and reiterate that I do not believe everything that Oprah says. I do not necessarily believe the aforementioned statistic. If I did believe such drivel then the title of my previous post would have been “Oh my fucking hell”. I would’ve been less jovial and unable to write three coherent words together let alone four entire paragraphs. I also would have swallowed my tongue, drank myself into a stupor, cried a bit, frozen my eggs and found a sperm donor all before writing Part #457 of the stupid shit that Oprah says. Or better yet, Part #457 of the stupid shit that Oprah’s production staff feeds to her and perhaps those women are feeling lonely in their powerful positions and University of Chicago degrees and so why not pass off their depressing statistics to the masses? That way all can partake in the joys of permanent celibacy.

I should probably stop going on these bitter tirades because in the end I seem so rancorous but I cannot because the neurons going from my brain to my fingers say otherwise. And yet thinking of how things have been going as of late, I suppose there are things that I wouldn’t dare write less incur the wrath of all those around me. So I step back and then skirt around the issue, which manifests itself into a myriad of crap ass half stories. Which begs not one but two questions: 1) Why can’t I stop with crap ass half stories but instead must go for the crap ass half segues? 2) What won’t you ever write about?

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12 Comments:

Blogger EDW said...

There are a lot of things I won't write about on my blog, but ever? Nothing. There's things I can't wait to write about, once some time and distance have emerged.

8:44 PM  
Anonymous sandra said...

Sometimes, I think Oprah needs a good kick in the shins.

9:23 PM  
Blogger Namaste said...

yes, that statistic was disturbing. and i like your point about black or any other color. shouldn't matter at all, but it's still troubling because it says a lot about our society.

what wouldn't i write about? oh honey. there's soooooooooooooo much off limits!

11:46 PM  
Blogger GirlGoyle said...

What is the statistic of those women who aren't single but are yet STILL unhappy...I wonder.

4:52 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Seriously, girlgoyle. There are plenty of miserable couples out there.

8:15 AM  
Blogger Dagny said...

I could tell you about what I wouldn't write about but then ... Well, you know.

And as for the statistics, what about those of us who are perfectly happy being single? Because single is better than being stuck with a schmuck.

10:26 AM  
Blogger Bone said...

I've never write about the people I know who let their dogs crap in the floor and sometimes leave it sitting until it hardens. And I'll never write about the time I came out of the bathroom with my pants around my ankles and later tried to stick my head in the oven.

OK, so I might write about the latter one day. I'm just glad my secrets are safe here, with you, HB.

1:24 PM  
Blogger Melissavina said...

I love to skirt issues. I skirt them all the time. When else can an article of clothing also be a verb? I mean, aside from cap, blouse, and sock. I suppose.

3:19 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

My girlfriend told I wasn't allowed to write about her in my blog, which is unfortunate because she does some pretty not smart stuff that needs to be told. Instead I just write about drinking a lot and bathroom related activities. She's really killing my blog. I hope she's happy.

1:13 PM  
Anonymous Leah said...

I won't write about things that people I love have asked me not to write about. That's a pretty small set of things, but a very big deal. Oh, the stories I could tell! The wrath I could incur!

6:06 PM  
Anonymous em said...

I hate that part of Vanilla Sky ... it always makes me sad for Tom Cruise. :(

6:36 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

You know what sucks? When you really want to write about where the hell you've been for like four days, BUT YOU CAN'T. The hell?? Because then you get emails from people asking if you're dead or something. Which, no. Not dead, but oh holy hell, kids.

8:58 PM  

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